MARRIAGE, DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE (3): PRELIMINARY CONSIDERATIONS
“SINCERE, BUT MISTAKEN”
There are many who love peace and shy away from conflict. They would rather be seen as kind, gentle, and tolerant than risk being misunderstood. Some look at those who hold very rigid or hurtful views and say, “Well, at least they’re sincere. They mean well. They just want to obey God.”
I understand that heart. I do. Many of these people are not trying to be cruel. They honestly believe they are standing for truth. But sincerity alone does not make something right. A person can be deeply sincere and still be deeply mistaken.
When Paul persecuted the early church, he did it with passion. He said later, “I truly thought I was serving God” (Acts 26:9). But it took a bright light and the voice of Jesus to show him how wrong he was. In the same way, there are those today who cling to tradition so tightly that they mistake it for truth.
Many of these teachings about marriage and divorce were not born from Scripture but from systems and traditions passed down through men. The Lord said, “You make the Word of God of no effect through your traditions” (Mark 7:13). These beliefs may sound righteous, but they often crush hearts instead of healing them.
It’s easy to hold to hard doctrines when you’ve never had to live through the pain of what others face. But once it touches your own life, once you see the tears of someone you love, your heart softens and your eyes open. That’s when the Spirit begins to whisper, “Now look again. Look at My Word with mercy.”
The problem with legalism is that it teaches rules without relationship. It binds people with guilt but offers no path to grace. It leaves no room for healing, only judgment. That’s not the gospel of Jesus Christ. He said, “Come to Me, all of you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). The legalist says, “Do more.” Jesus says, “Come closer.”
We must never forget that truth and love are not enemies. They walk hand in hand. The moment truth becomes cold, it ceases to reflect the heart of Christ. The moment love forgets truth, it loses its power to save.
So yes, some are sincere. But they are sincerely mistaken. They mean to defend God, but end up misrepresenting His heart. The answer is not anger or argument, but light — the light of Scripture and the gentle leading of the Spirit who still says, “I desire mercy, not sacrifice” (Matthew 9:13).
NOT “FOR” DIVORCE
Before we go any further, let me say this plainly: I am not for divorce. I am not writing to defend it, justify it, or make light of it. I’ve walked that road myself. I know the pain it brings, the loss it carries, and the deep ache it leaves behind.
Divorce is not the heart of God. It is a wound that opens when something beautiful has been broken. In most cases, I would not recommend it. But I also know there are times when it becomes the only path toward peace and safety—when staying would mean the destruction of the soul.
Some situations may be eased by divorce, but that never means all is well. It simply means something went terribly wrong. Someone, somewhere, stepped outside of God’s design—maybe through neglect, betrayal, or hardness of heart. Yet even then, grace still speaks. Grace always has the last word.
Not every divorce is born of sin, and not every marriage that endures is holy. Legalism cannot understand that, because it only knows how to count rules. It says that once a couple is joined, they must never part, no matter the cost. So people stay—trapped in bitterness, fear, or abuse—because they’ve been told that leaving would damn their soul.
This is not the heart of God. Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted, not chain them to misery (Luke 4:18). He came to set captives free, not keep them bound to what destroys them. When law speaks without love, it becomes cruelty.
Yet I have also seen the beauty of lifelong love—husbands and wives who have weathered storms together, who have forgiven much and loved deeply. Their marriage shines with the faithfulness of Christ Himself. That kind of union is a gift, a light to the world, and worthy of every honor.
But it is not the only story that glorifies God. Some of the greatest testimonies come from those who have walked through failure and found redemption on the other side. They know firsthand the power of mercy.
No one should ever be made to feel like a second-class Christian because of a broken marriage. The cross of Christ stands as proof that no past disqualifies a soul that has been redeemed. God’s callings are not canceled by human mistakes (Romans 11:29).
So I will keep preaching, teaching, serving, and loving as long as the Lord gives me breath. And I will keep saying this: grace is stronger than failure. Truth and mercy still meet at the foot of the cross.
If your heart has been broken, if you’ve walked through the pain of divorce, know this — you are not forgotten. You are not finished. The same Lord who turned Peter’s denial into courage and David’s fall into worship can turn your ashes into beauty again (Isaiah 61:3).
What man calls ruined, God can still redeem.
Bryan Dewayne Dunaway
