MARRIAGE, DIVORCE, AND REMARRIAGE (5): What Jesus Said About It
There is perhaps no subject more tangled in human sorrow, confusion, and debate than the matter of marriage, divorce, and remarriage. The words of Jesus in Matthew 19 have been used to heal and to harm, to comfort and to condemn. But when we read His words, we must remember that He spoke into a world far different from ours—a world of Pharisees who used Deuteronomy 24 as a loophole to dismiss their wives for “any cause,” and of hearts hardened by selfishness. They were not asking how to love better, but how to legally escape love’s demands.
Jesus answered their trap with truth, but also with tenderness. He said: “Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries the one who is divorced commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9).
Notice carefully what He said—and what He did not say. He did not say that a man and woman who are married, and who love each other faithfully, are living in adultery. He said that the act of divorcing and remarrying under wrongful pretenses is an act of adultery—a breaking of covenant. The sin is in the breaking, not in the new marriage itself. When the first bond is broken, and a new one is made, it is a real marriage in the eyes of God.
To say that a person “lives in adultery” with their spouse is to misuse the sacred word. Everyone knows what adultery means—it is unfaithfulness to a covenant, not faithfulness to a new one. Once you are married, you are married. The union is not a sin. The betrayal that came before it was.
Paul wrote, “But even if you do marry, you have not sinned” (1 Corinthians 7:28). The Pharisees of Jesus’ day were trying to trap Him, not to seek truth. They wanted Him to take sides between two rival schools of thought among their own teachers—Hillel, who said a man could divorce his wife for almost any reason, and Shammai, who said only for unfaithfulness. Jesus turned from both sides and pointed them back to God’s original intent: “From the beginning it was not so” (Matthew 19:8).
God’s design for marriage was never a revolving door. It was a covenant made in the garden when the Lord said, “The two shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Once two are tied together, their lives are like two mules hitched to the same yoke. If one pulls away, the other cannot keep dragging in a straight line without tearing the harness. If one is unhooked, who then is the other still tied to?
When God joined man and woman, He meant for love to last, for hearts to grow together like vines wrapping around the same trellis. But Jesus, knowing our frailty, also acknowledged the hard soil of human hearts. “Because of the hardness of your hearts, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives” (Matthew 19:8). Divorce was not His plan—it was His pity. It was mercy for the broken, not permission for the careless.
Moses required that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1). Why? To protect her from shame, to give her legal standing so she could remarry and live. God was guarding the woman from a cruel world where being “put away” could mean destitution or death. Jesus brought the people back to this heart of God—grace and protection—not to the rigid rules of men.
Luke’s account of this same exchange gives us a glimpse into the audience: “Now the Pharisees, who were lovers of money, also heard all these things, and they derided Him” (Luke 16:14). These men, obsessed with appearances and reputation, loved control more than compassion. They did not want truth—they wanted to trap Truth Himself.
The teaching of Jesus about marriage was not intended to shame those who have failed. It was to call all of us back to God’s design, to take the covenant seriously. He was not speaking to the abused wife who flees for her safety, nor to the neglected husband who is left behind. He was answering hypocrites, not the hurting.
The Greek word for “grace” means “delightful favor.” The gospel of Jesus is not bad news for those who have failed—it is good news. The message of Jesus about marriage is not a legal trap but a hand reaching out in mercy. Imagine opening an envelope only to find that you have won a great prize. That is how grace arrives. It is as though Jesus walks into the darkness of our failure carrying a lantern that lights up every shadowed regret.
If you have failed in marriage, you are not a castaway. You are not living in perpetual sin. You are not second-class in the kingdom. God’s grace reaches into every broken bond and every lonely heart. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3). His grace does not condone our sin, but it does cover our shame.
The Bible nowhere teaches that a divorced person who remarries is still married to their former spouse “in the eyes of God.” That idea is not scriptural. It is superstition dressed in theology. God recognizes covenants made before Him, even those made after failure. His mercy is new every morning (Lamentations 3:22–23).
When Jesus said “except for sexual immorality,” He acknowledged that covenant can be broken. When one spouse unites with another, the one-flesh bond has already been shattered. Adultery is not the sin of remarriage. It is the sin of covenant-breaking. If two are handcuffed together and one unlocks the chain and walks away, the other is no longer bound by the same metal. The release may be painful, but it is real.
Marriage is not a prison. It is a partnership. God’s intention is always reconciliation, but when hearts harden beyond repair, His grace still remains. As Paul wrote, “But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases” (1 Corinthians 7:15). God has called us to peace.
We must take marriage seriously, because it is a covenant that reflects Christ’s love for His church. Yet we must also take grace seriously, because it reflects His heart for the broken. The Lord does not stand at the door of our failure with folded arms. He stands there with open arms, saying, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more” (John 8:11).
Marriage is a picture of the gospel. When we are unfaithful, He remains faithful (2 Timothy 2:13). When we break covenant, He restores. When we walk away, He pursues. When the vows are shattered, His mercy still whispers, “Come home.”
To those who have failed in marriage, hear the invitation of grace. Begin again. Love well next time. Forgive deeply. Learn from the pain. Let God write a new story. Grace does not erase the past—it redeems it.
Jesus’ words on marriage are not a courtroom verdict. They are a classroom lesson. They teach us that the covenant of love matters, and that broken covenants still have a Redeemer. “Where sin abounded, grace abounded much more” (Romans 5:20).
When Jesus spoke, He did not thunder from the clouds. He stooped down into the dust where broken hearts lie. He came not to crush the bruised reed, but to heal it (Isaiah 42:3). His message is like a letter filled with good news, carried to us from Heaven’s post office, bearing the stamp of divine grace.
God still blesses new beginnings. Every sunrise is proof of that. If you have failed, the dawn still comes. If you have fallen, His hand still reaches down. And if you are standing strong in your marriage, guard it well, for it is holy ground.
Bryan Dewayne Dunaway
